I’ve heard 2020 referred to as “the great pause”, but I think of it as more of “the year that wasn’t”. It’s missing, almost the whole damned thing. And it overlaps into 2021. But as we near the end of February, and pass the anniversary of the loved one’s death, the world seems poised on the brink of rebounding. People are getting vaccinated. COVID-19 death rates are declining. Treatments are getting more effective. I now know several people who have had it, and survived – and didn’t need hospitalization (though at least a couple have ongoing effects, such as the loss of taste and fatigue).
Renovating the loved one’s house over the past eight months has been therapeutic; getting it ready for a new beginning has allowed me to make peace with some of the anger that has persisted. I rarely cuss the loved one anymore, though I do call him a dumb ass. I did while he was alive, too.
With this (healing? acceptance?), I find that my brain is a bit less foggy; I can think beyond what needs to be done today. I’ve begun making plans, putting things on my calendar. I even signed up for a couple of knit-alongs with friends, and have been sewing quilts rather than masks.
One of the knit-alongs I signed up for is Sock Madness, on Ravelry. We start in a couple of days, and I signed up late but have finished one of the warmup socks. It was a challenge, but I did it! I think 2021 will be the year I take on a few challenges, maybe sort of make up for the fog of 2020.